Last night I went to see Hair in Central Park. But actually, the day started at 5am, so I'll start from there.

The Public Theatre does free shows in the park over the summer. The shows are staged in an outdoor arena at the Delacourte Theatre, which is next to The Great Lawn in the park. In order to get tickets you must go to the theatre the day of the show and wait in line. The box Office opens at 1pm, but for most shows you need to get there earlier. We planned to get there at 6am (but actually made it by 7), when the park officially opens. There are people who will camp out all night though. Because there is no way of telling how fast the tickets will go, and Hair is THE BEST SHOW EVER, I wanted to make sure I got myself some tickets.

It turns out that it was a rainy day and very people showed up. Had we gotten there at noon we would have gotten tickets. But, the fact that we spent six hours waiting outside the box office that morning, two of them in the rain, proves just how hard core we are. Plus our seats were amazing. 4th row center. Not too close at all, as I worried they would be.

The show was... how do I even start? If I could see it ten more times I would be just as thrilled. It's no secret how much I love Hair. I did do a full victory dance in the living room of Colony House when Amanda informed me that it had been extended and I would be in NY for that time.

The set was made to look like a chunk of Central Park, that is, grass with worn patches. The band was towards the back in a bandstand with a psychedelic tie-dyed roof. And that's it. Because the point of Hair was that the show took what was going on outside on the streets and brought it to the stage. So the actors, in true form, ran bout the theatre, climbing around in the audience and the walls of the theatre itself.

The lights were amazing. I wish I could work one of these shows to really see how it works on a plot. The lights are so far from the stage. And it's outside. And the sun is still kind of setting when the show starts. And ohmygod those lights must be so much fun to hang and focus. There was some use of moving lights, but no overuse. What I thought the designer did in the most amazing way was color. There is a song in the second act where the cast starts singing colors because they are tripping and that designer matched them with the lights. I loved it. I loved it! It seems so logical and easy, but it looks so good. He got the lucid moments and the tripping moments and all the moments that are in between (most of the show). And this might be the first time I actually thought the footlights in a show looked good.

A few songs before intermission it started to rain again. No, no, no, nononononononono NO! The stage manager held the show. And we waited. It got heavier. And then it stopped. I may or may not have started cheering. I find it hard to contain myself sometimes, and really, I don't see why I should. The show continued. I danced in my seat.

It started to rain again during the second act and I cringed. I felt everyone in that theatre, even the actors, waiting for another announcement. But it never came. And when the rain stopped, I knew that it wouldn't start again. And it didn't. They finished the show. After curtain call the cast started pulling people on stage to dance, something I've always been petrified of, but I actually pushed Slokcum up towards the stage and grabbed Katie's hand to make her follow. Crazy dance party on the set of Hair in Central Park!!!! How could I be happier than to see my favorite show with three of my favorite people and then dance it out at the end?

So now I hear that the show is moving to Broadway. I hope it does well enough to stay for a while. It's much more of a summer musical, so I wonder when it will open. I hope I'll be around NY to see it. I hope it reaches people the way it is meant to. It's so hard to tell. I see a show like that and I can't understand how anyone would be underwhelmed. I don't understand how anyone could see that show and not immediately want to change the world. But I guess that's because I go in there wanting to change the world. Maybe it's the knowledge that people before me have done it, and that's what keeps me hopeful.

Five of my good friends have all moved into a three-floor brownstone in The Bronx and I came to New York with them to help them move in. The house is beautiful and spacious and full of character and New York quirk. Admittedly, it makes me question my decision to leave New York. Although I'm not sorry that I left, part of me is sorry to not be coming back and trying again.

I am looking forward to working on the farm in VT. It's a step in the right direction towards accomplishing my goals and realizing my dreams of someday running my own farm. It's bringing me closer to nature and giving me a chance to spend more time outdoors, something I missed living in New York. One of the hardest parts of living in the city, is not being able to lay in grass at night and watch the stars. I'll be able to do that in VT.

This all goes back to how torn I get over all of the places I have lived. I miss the desert mountains and sunsets. I miss the Vermont grass. I miss the excitement and art of New York. I miss the feeling of neighborhoods on Long Island. I miss the local foods of everywhere I have ever lived. Whenever I settle down I end up missing being a free agent and going where ever I want, whenever I want. When I don't live anywhere, I miss having a place to call my own and walls to hang art on, bookcases full of books.

One day I will find a place that is so wonderful it will make it worth giving up pieces of former landscapes and lifestyles.

Today is the last day of Dorset. The summer is over and it's time for the next adventure to start. I can not stress how relieved I am that I changed my mind about coming here. This summer has been one of the best summers of my life, topping even last year. I came here as a complete wreck and I am leaving in a much better place. I won't lie, leaving scares me. I want to keep myself together though and I know that I'm ready. It's time to move on and leave my comfort zone.

To help wrap up the summer, here are a few more pictures that I've been failing to post.


This is Lake St. Catherine. The costume intern's family owns a cute cottage on the lake and we made a day of it over there boating around and dumping each others canoes.


The general store next to our house sells a bumch of fancy wines, and also some pretty interesting cheap ones. Dibs' favorite wine is Pinot Gregio and mine is Chianti and it just so happens that those are the two wines of this brand that the store sells. We made a night of it.


Antiquing anyone? Yeah. No explanation to be given.


Four people in the back of a car to Bob's Diner. It was raining and we all decided to "swim." How amazing is that?


A day spent at the Quarry is not a day to miss. My only regret is that I never did end up jumping off the high cliffs, even though I wanted to, because the day we planned to go we ended up too busy and had no time. Ah well. Another time.

Dorset is coming to a close. I picked out a few pictures to post of some crazy summer antics. I'm not going to post them all at once. Instead I am hoping to put a few up every night until I leave on Thursday morning. I'm sad to be leaving this place and my friends, but I am ready to start my next adventure.

All of these photos were taken by other people. However, I will be getting a digital camera soon, so there's a good chance that I'll start posting more pictures. If I ever become an actual camera person and manage to take some pictures.



This one was taken early in the summer at our first opening night party. The ever-wonderful Johnny Silver was taking picture after picture of Denise and I. Each picture had more and more people creeping in, until this one was taken. This is my favorite group photo of the summer, so it's a great place to start.


Introducing the above-mentioned Johnny Silver. This one was taken during one of our many games of "Psychiatrist" this summer. If you don't know this game I am not at liberty to explain it unless you agree to play as the psychiatrist.


The act of creeping into cute photos of others became a theme of the summer. Many, many pictures were taken with people creeping in the background. As it should be.


Peaches, seen here, turned 25 this summer. For his birthday he wanted a finger-mustache themed party. One of the best parties of the summer, in my opinion. The wondrous Angie made him a cake with a finger mustache and icing peaches. He loved it in the most amazing way.


Opening night for Frog and Toad + extra set piece + alcohol= Pin the nose on the snowman.

That's all for now!

Ummm, yeah. Not really related to my goings-on, but should be checked out:

http://www.thechaistory.blogspot.com/

I've added that to my blog list in the left column. I'm horrified. This should be passed along. Especially if you have a dog.

I've had to change my plans a bit. I found this pretty great farm here in Vermont. It's actually right in Manchester, 6 miles from here. It's called Teleion Holon Community Farm. They come to our farmer's market every week and have the yummiest veggie burgers ever. When I joined WWOOF I discovered they were looking for winter help, something I could not find in Portland.

This place is entirely vegetarian. They keep chickens, but only for eggs. Over the winter they will either be moving the farm to a bigger piece of land, which would require a lot of help, or they will be maintaining the chickens and an unheated greenhouse. The growing season doesn't end until after October, so I'll have some time to help out with growing. The place is generally pretty quiet in the winter, which seems ok to me. I'd be all about helping them move if that happens, but it seems unlikely. They are very unstructured and I can show up whenever and then leave whenever. I'm pretty into it.

So the new plan is to go to NY, then visit people down the east coast, then work load in for Keen Company and have my birthday in NYC, then back to Vermont. I'm going to leave some stuff with a friend who lives around here. I'm really looking forward to it. I need to get boots and warmer clothes. Yeah!

Finding good vegan winter boots without spending a small fortune is going to be hard...

I've finally made myself some travel plans. After I leave here the plan is to go to NYC for a few days, then to DC, South Carolina (surprise visit to Grandma, shhh), then to Orlando (hopefully), then off to Portland. I need to get there before the 2nd of October because my wonderful friend Brita has invited me to go see Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobious Pip. I will then hopefully find some kind of job that will house me, somewhere in the state, and stay for 1 or 2 seasons.

Of course we'll see how this all works out, but playing things by ear has been ok so far, so I'm going to roll with it. Here's a map:

google!

Right now I'm just enjoying my time here in VT. I feel so much better having some kind of plan. I have always wanted to go to Portland and was waiting for a good reason. Not having any other plans is reason enough I think.

I also joined this group called WWOOF which I hope will help me find an organic vegetarian farm. The hardest challenge to me so far is finding a farm that does not raise animals for food. I'm not sure I could learn about animal husbandry knowing that the animals I am caring for, and will inevitably get attached to, will be slaughtered for food. The thought disgusts me and I want no part in it. But I have hope that I will be able to find something in the end. Crossing my fingers.

I mentioned in an earlier post that the theatre I am working for here in Droset had racked up a $1,000,000 debt in order to make it the amazing space that it is. For the past three summers DTF has thrown benefits to raise money from all the generous people who love us. After the one thrown this summer we still had a little over $750,000 of debt. However, after 7 years of trying to pay off the debt the president of the board convinced the bank to forgive the whole thing.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does this happen? I have no idea. All I know is that it is the most amazing thing that could have happened for us this year. Our mission of saving the theatre is over and it changes everything we do here. From now on, all donations made to us actually go to us, and not straight to the bank. We all know that the theatre will be here without a doubt next summer. Maybe our budgets will be even be better.

It's so amazing to me that 7 years after the loan was given, the people here have seen the theatre really is worth saving. It seems that they have enough faith in us and we have proven ourselves enough that the bank made a $750,000 donation to us. Wow.

Thanks Dorset! You won't be sorry.

Yet another wonderful reminder of why I came here this summer.

The sky has just started to clear up in the evenings and we've had a few nights of starry skies. During one of those nights we brought some blankets out back and laid out under the stars. We stayed out there for a long time, just gazing and talking. I rolled myself up into a burrito in the blanket and I could have stayed out there all night. Finally, Slocum, who is always the last to go to bed, gets up and says that he's tired. I hadn't realized how late it was until he had gotten up.

When I was much younger and living on Long Island, I remember a night when my neighbor and I looked up at the stars. I remember trying to count them with her. The night sky out here is infinitely clearer and the stars so much more visible. When I look at the stars here I can't even imagine trying to count them.

Everyday that I'm here in Dorset I am thankful for changing my mind and deciding to come back this summer. In some ways I am glad for some of the things that happened in my life that led me back here. It's been such a welcome change from what my life has been. I've been given the opportunity to start my life over, and I get to start here. How lucky is that?

The other night it started pouring rain (surprise, surprise) and I was sitting up in my room, thinking about changing into jammies and going to bed. Right as I was about to, the rain picked up and went from pouring to biblical. I immediately ran out onto the lanai to see if anyone out there was as excited as I was. Sadly, they were not. I didn't let that stop me, so I ran out into it. I was soaked in a flash. I ran back onto the lanai to see if my pure glee could rub off on anyone and get them outside. Again, they just looked it me like I was out of my mind.

Luckily, Dibs, Carrie and Frankie were inside the living room and saw me running about, so they came out to join me. We ran over to the house next door, which is also being used by the theatre to house the Stage Manager, Emily, and actor, Mark, and a director Jonathan. Emily was on the phone, but Mark came out when we yelled for him. Cartwheels, puddles, ballet steps, and general giggling took place. Emily eventually joined us, but by then the rain had tapered off.

Alex laughed at us for taking "hippy showers." I laughed at Alex for being too uptight to dance in the rain. No one ever outgrows that kind of fun.

The first play of the season ended on Saturday and on Sunday we started strike. I was just promoted to Master Electrician so this was my first time in the position. Our original ME didn't work out and I think Josh realized I really could handle the job, so we didn't hire someone new.

I admit that my worst fear during all of this was for Josh to tell me that he made a mistake in hiring me for the position. No matter how many times he tells me how happy he is with the work I am doing, part of me will always be worried that he doesn't think I'm good enough. I guess that's just me. It's probably good because it pushes me to get the job done as well as humanly possible.

The strike went well indeed. We were way ahead of schedule for lights and set the whole time, so we were all able to keep up on sleep. I was a little worried that if this changeover took as long as we thought it would, we'd be in a lot of trouble when it came to changing the bigger shows, but I think we'll be OK. We also have a little extra money for hiring locals to help out of we need to.

The only bad thing I have to say about tech is that the weather just started getting perfect out. The raining has subsided a bit and the sun has been out. It's been perfectly warm, but not too humid. We spend the first days of this weather in the theatre for 18 hours. Every ten minute break was an excuse to go lay out in the sun. I do enjoy my sunshine breaks. There has been no shortage of laying in the grass for me this summer. I'll never be able to get enough though.

The Colony House has this amazing side porch, which we lovingly call the lanai. We like to sit out there in the evenings and drink, or smoke, or chat a bit, enjoying each others company. We've gotten a few noise complaints from our neighbors and our artistic director was not happy. Our image in the neighborhood is incredibly important to the theatre. If the locals don't like us here, the chances of us coming back are slim.

We had a little discussion about it and someone thought it would be a good idea to make cookies for the neighbors as an apology. We would also include our phone number in a note with the cookies, so that they could call us directly if we were ever being disturbing and we would go inside or at least quiet down immediately.

Amanda and I went out to deliver these cookies a few days ago. Everyone we talked to said that they loved hearing us outside, or that they never heard us. They also loved the fact that we had made the effort to be good neighbors. Several of them called the theatre to tell Carl how much they loved us coming by. I would say that it was a great idea, except there was some confusion about who had been complaining in the first place and we somehow missed their house. Oops.

One of the people we did deliver to invited us into her house, which she helped design and loved to show off. I get the feeling that if she wasn't about to run out the door she would have made tea. When she asked us what we did at the theatre Amanda said she was the costuming assistant and I explained that I was an electrician. The woman just stared at me as if I had said something in a foreign language. I told her it was for lighting. She replied, "I know what an electrician is, I'm just surprised a female would chose that line of work." I didn't want to be rude, so I laughed it off and said "Hm, I'm not the only one." She was again shocked and then decided to let it go.

Vermonters...

My bike came in the mail yesterday. Words can not express the excitement of Krysta. I immediately took it to the scene shop and put it together. The brakes got a little wonky and Higgs showed me how to fix them. I did a few victory laps between the house and the theatre before the show. It was raining, but that probably just made it better.

People have been questioning why I spent $100 having my bike sent out here. I don't have a car and this is a such a tiny, secluded place, I've felt really trapped. The bike offers me a different kind of freedom. I often want quiet time to myself to just get my thought together, and I haven't had much of it lately. Now that my bike is here I'll be able to take off for a while after work. I like to go and do things by myself, so I can bike myself to the quarry or hopefully to Manchester. Plus I need the exercise.

I've been spending my work days int he basement of the theatre cutting up 50 foot cables that w don't need and making shorter ones. There are no windows down there, and it's damp, and I can hear the base of the music from the shop and the theatre over my own headphones, so after a few hours I start to get a little crazy. I've had a headache for a few days and I'm not sure if it's weather, or lack of sleep, or the basement, but maybe all three. I'm thinking taking off for a few hours on my bike really help a bunch. Anyway I've got some things on my mind that need to be addressed.

I'm hoping my next update will have a little history of Colony House and some pictures as well. I'm also hoping to get some pictures of the set and lights. They're both quite amazing. As usual.

Here is a little back story of the theatre I am working for all summer in Dorset, VT:

First of all, we have to start this out right, by explaining a little about Dorset, VT. Dorset is a fairly old New England town known for one thing: the oldest marble quarry in the country. There is marble all over this teeny town; sidewalks, curbs, houses, patios, everything. The quarry is no longer used, however, because as it was being mined an underground spring was hit and the quarry filled up. It is now an awesome swimming spot for locals, and those of us part of DTF.

Dorset is so tiny, it has no grocery store, just a general market. There is one gas pump, one post office, one bank and a library. There is no cell phone tower, and thus, no cell reception. It is also the home of three upscale inns, The Dorset Inn, The Barrows House, and The Dovetail Inn. Dorset relies mostly on tourism, but due to the economy, it hasn't been doing so well. Luckily, everyone who lives here is pretty much loaded. Including our wonderful board members, who adore the fact that the population of young people in this town doubles over the summer when DTF is in full swing.

The theatre itself has an amazing story, which our artistic director, Carl Forsman, loves to tell. The Dorset Theatre Festival was founded in 1970 by Jill Charles and John Nassivera, who were married at that time. The theatre was made up of two historic barns pushed together. One held the audience, and the other was the stage. Jill served as the artistic director and John was the associate Artistic Director and it stayed that way for years, even after their marriage ended. The festival was wildly successful.

I'm guessing it was about 7 years ago that they decided to start a huge renovation to update the theatre. While the renovation was in progress they ran into a major groundwater problem which doubled the cost of the renovations. DTF needed to take out a 1 million dollar loan to cover this cost. Jill Charles was then diagnosed with very advanced breast cancer and given only a few months to live. The new theatre was completed that spring and Jill directed the first show that summer. She was taken to the opening night in an ambulance. She did not live through the summer season.

After Jill died John took over as the artistic director of the theatre. As the economy struggled, so did the theatre and productions started to go downhill. The theatre now had a multi million dollar debt and had lost half of it's subscribers. In order to try and save the festival the board asked John Nassivera to step down as artistic director of the theatre.

Last year Carl Forsman, the artistic director of the New York based Off-Broadway Keen Company, which I have worked for in the past, was asked to come in and head DTF. He brought in all his own people from NY, including myself and several other Keen Company regulars. We ran the entire season with 8 regular staff members and 7 interns. Our job was simple: Save the theatre. That's it. We came in, worked our asses off and pulled off an amazing season. We broke even last summer, which was the only goal. If we had not been able to operate in the black, the theatre probably would have ended.

This year we have increased the staff and intern count considerably. We earned back many of the theatre's subscriber numbers and have started the long process of earning the trust of this community. The people of Vermont are nice people, but they keep an eye on us and keep track of what we do. I think with every year, they will begin to trust us more and more.

Let's take a moment to talk about my amazing morning.

I woke up today and it was pouring rain. It's been threatening to rain for the last three days, but didn't follow through until today. I was a little upset about this, because although I love the rain, today is Farmer's Market Day. (How much do I love a town with no grocery store, but it's own farmer's market?) I know the market always goes up, rain or shine, and that I am always there, show or no show. The only problem is that I was planning to walk there and I don't have an umbrella. Anyway this kind of rain really doesn't take heed of an umbrella.

Brandes was wonderful enough to let me borrow her car to take Peaches and myself over there. It was pouring off and on the whole time as we darted in and out of the stalls. We also ran into part of the cast of The Dining Room. I love running into people at the farmer's market. Something about it seems so fitting, even if you know you're going to see them at the theatre in a little while anyway.

The most wonderful part of today at the farmer's market was that today was the first day of fruit (other than apples). I purchased the most amazing tomatoes, cherries and strawberries. Peaches got some as well and had a little freak out over how delicious they were. I guess now he understands why I'll happily spend so much money on farmer's market food that I can buy for a third of the price at the grocery store.

I hate that I'm too timid to talk to some of these people about working for them after the summer is over. I know that the summer is the big season, but I really want to check out the other seasons in VT and I need to know more about farming in New England. I am never disappointed with any of the people or the food at any farmer's markets I have ever been to. It only fuels my desire to be part of it all. I've got to get on the ball with looking for farming jobs after the summer.

But right now I've got to get to the theatre.

I realized that I never posted any information about the company I am working for. Information about the Dorset Theatre Festival can be found here. I'll post more information about the history of the theatre a little later on. Like all old buildings in Vermont, it's actually quite interesting.

Last night was the opening for "Nobody Don't Like Yogi" here at Dorset. It's a one man show about Yogi Berra's return to Yankee Stadium for the first time in 14 years. I'm not terribly interested in baseball, and before this show I really didn't know anything about Yogi. That doesn't change the fact that this s an amazing show, and Teddy Coluca is an amazing actor to watch and to work with.

After the performance we had a little reception, which turned into a full blown party here at the Colony House. Dancing, drinking, and everyone in pretty clothes. I got myself a new red dress, which is, without a doubt, the prettiest dress I have ever owned. Of course there were a billion cameras and even more pictures. So enjoy these pictures of the Yogi Opening and Colony House Dance Party:

Our board members, Jake and Holly, have an amazing house here in Dorset. It's right on the side of a hill and this is the view from the backyard.





The pool is always the right temperature and the hot tub fits 8 people. Oh man, I'm so glad that Jake and Holly love to share. Every time we see them they are always telling us to come over. They know how wonderful their home is and they want everyone to be able to enjoy it. Plus they give us food. Who can argue with that? Not I.

As promised, here are pictures of the picnic table that was driven into the ground by a fallen tree. This table did not break. CRAZY!





People are taking pictures like mad around here. I'll attempt to get some posted. Tomorrow we are supposed to be going to a board member's house who has the most AMAZING view. We went there a few times last year. We are so lucky to have so many board members who are as generous to the theatre as they are. We wouldn't exist without them.

Vermont weather is such a welcome change for me. Last night there was a huge storm and a tornado watch. One of the trees at the theatre started to crack and we were afraid it would fall into the power lines, however there wasn't really anything we could do about it at that time. By the time we got back to the house (a 3 minute walk from the theatre) it was pouring rain. Denise and I immediately threw off our shoes and ran out onto the back lawn. I started yelling at the sky to give me more and it started hailing. We figured that was a good time to run back onto the lanai.

A little later on, when the rain dyed down a bit, we walked over to the Dorset Inn, where there is an upscale bar for the rich people who live here. The bar tender, James, was a rockin guy who had invented his own drink called The Little Red Corvette. I have no idea what was in it, but Alex got it and it was yummy. I stuck to a Tom Collins, because that's what people drink in swanky establishments.

It started pouring again while we were there and we had to stick around for more than one cocktail. James told us about the two ghosts who live in the Dorset Inn. One is a little girl about 12 years old and the other is a confederate general. He did not know any back story on them, but he did tell us about some encounters he had while working. The freakiest one was when he was closing up one night and the basement door kept opening and the light turned on. Three times. After the third time James decided to go home.

James is a much cooler bar tender than the other guy, Patrick. Sadly, James is leaving Dorset and moving to Lake George to bar tend at Johnny Rockets. Lame. But he's all about it, so I guess that's all that matters. He's training a girl named Katie to be his replacement and she seems like fun, so I'm hoping many nights will be enjoyed there.

When it finally stopped raining so hard we walked back to the house and had a little drunk dance party. Everyone was a little surprised to see me dancing like a crazy person, and I guess I was too. I told myself I would not turn down any opportunities for fun, so I guess I had to rock out. Something about 99 Red Balloons makes me flip out with happiness. It felt pretty damn good to let loose.

This morning when we got to the theatre the tree had fallen over. Amazingly it did not hit the power lines, but it did hit one of our picnic tables. The table did not break, but it managed to get pushed about a foot into the ground. Pictures to come later. No really. I'll post them.

We had our first meet and greet today at the theatre. I'm hoping it will be a great summer. The people all seem to be genuinely nice, and all the unkind people from last year did not come back. There is also more volleyball enthusiasm, including my own. Last year I didn't really play much because I was so bad, and not into running about making an ass of myself. Lately I've been trying to let things like that go and just do whatever makes me happiest. So I played volleyball today and I was actually pretty OK, plus I had a really great time.

I've been having some trouble updating because I've been busy. I hope I can make more time for this in the future, because I enjoy sitting down and collecting my thoughts. My blog is important to me, because I will undoubtedly want to look back on it some day to remember these Dorset summers. It hasn't helped that I am always around people, and I usually blog alone. Writing with other people around causes a block for the most part. I'm going to need to get over this.

I can't wait for my bike to get here so I can start getting more exercise and exploring the area. This place is so beautiful and I miss a lot of it for lack of a better way of getting around. I plan to get out alone as much as possible because spending every day with so many people is difficult for me. On the other hand, having so many people around is working wonders on the loneliness I've been feeling.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day of wonderful work. I haven't done any really hard work for months and it's a downer. I'm looking forward to working my as off this summer.

Roommate going to sleep. Will post more later.

DORSET!!!!!! I'm so glad I got here early. It's a damn good time to hang out here and be with my buddies. I've missed this place. It's so wonderful and green. It rained on our drive up. Lovely.

Admittedly I'm a little worried about being stuck here for three month. I'm especially used to coming and going whenever I want. The past few months after I've left NY I haven't ever felt stuck anywhere. However, having good friends here should help me calm down about being stuck. My bike will also help. Dorset is so isolated, it can be hard to stay put. I need this though.

I've missed sitting around listening to music and having little chats. My anxiety is sure to settle down. I get a little uppity, but I think I'll be ok once we get into the work routine. I think I need down time to deal with myself right now.

I have got to learn how to sleep in hotel rooms. I hardly slept at all and I feel like crap. I did not sleep in the car because I thought I'd be sleeping on the floor tonight and I needed all the sleep deprivation I could get in order to pass out on a floor. Turns out I'm sleeping on a mattress, so woo-hoo to that.

I guess maybe I should explain where I am. I am currently in Cleveland, Ohio in the apartment of a med student named Min, who is a friend of Nick's. When we got here she took us to a barbecue with a bunch of other med students and we basically just chilled out and ate and watched some TV. Med students don't seem to understand the humor of singing Aquarius after losing your virginty. It's funny damn it. Plus that song is rockin.

I realized today that I forgot to mention one of the highlights of our road trip thus far. As we were driving towards Iowa yesterday, while in Nebraska, a red car pulled up next to us and the passengers, three high school aged girls, waved and giggled at the car. I didn't understand it, but Nick, being a guy, decided it would be a good idea to play along and pass them again. I suggested he raise his eyebrows at them suggestively, as a trucker had done to me earlier in the day. This caused the girls to start following us. This went on for quite some time with us passing them and them passing us. I was beginning to lose patience with the whole thing because the girls were so young anyway. I finally made a sign that said "Do you hookers got any blow?" and held it up just as the were exiting. Words can not describe the looks on their faces when they saw it. Funniest. Shit. Ever.

So tomorrow we head out to Boston and then the next day I'll be in Vermont! Yeah! I'm so looking forward to spending time outside and taking in all the green surrounding. Oh grass, just two more days and I get to roll in you.

Hotel - Moline, IL

Well, I'm here in Moline. Don't ask me anything about this place, because I don't know. The hotel is pretty nice. Internet, third floor and a room you enter from inside the building. What more could a girl ask for?

Nick's been a great travel partner. We talk a bunch. We listen to a lot of the same music. He enjoys doing all the driving. This is all fine and dandy by me. Awkwardness avoided. He has a high tolerance for my disjointed social skills. That always helps.

I'm starting to think a little more on this whole wandering thing that I'm doing. I'm content now and marginally satisfied with the friendships I currently have with people, but I know it won't last forever. I know that eventually I'm going to need more. As I get closer and closer to summer, I get closer and closer to summer's end. I need to figure out where I'll go. I hope it will lead to somewhere I want to stay.

I can't have meaningful relationships while I'm running all about. I can't keep starting up these friendships and then running off again. I'll want something more than friends in the future. But I also know that I need to be around people who have the same ideals as I do. Where I go after summer may help me find those people. I hope it helps me find those people.

This seems random. Nick and I had some conversations today during our 12 hour trip, which got me thinking about my direction in life. It's crazy having someone to talk to so casually for such a long time abut these kinds of serious subjects. It gets me drifting off into my head for long periods of time. It doesn't help that I have trouble explaining my intentions, mostly because I'm still trying to figure them out. Transitions. Ugh.

Boulder, CO

I'm having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am so quiet around new people. Nick and I drove to Boulder today and met up with his two friends who we are staying with. I immediately shut down, as usual. It's terribly irritating and I told myself that I needed to open my mouth and just say something. But I didn't. I remained noticeably silent.

It's actually rather worrisome because I don't want people to mistake me for dim witted, snobbish, or think that I don't like them. It's never the case. The real problem is that I am a group observer. It must be some kind of insecurity that I become so shy around new people. It is especially bad when they actually try to include me and I still remain somewhat silent. How can I explain to people that I really am content to just observe? I don't feel left out, I'm just taking everything in I'm trying to understand who you are so I can figure out who I am, when around you.

That night Nick offered to do a Tarot reading for me because I had mentioned an email I got from Lisa asking me what my epiphanies have been. I thought it was rather interesting and worth writing down and sharing. The question I asked was "What's going to happen to me after Dorset?" Nick told me that my past has been associated with The High Priestess, who is a secret keeper. My past has a lot to do with secrets and hiding reality. The present is confusion, represented by the 8 of Swords. The future was the 6 of Pentacles, who has faith in the universe and is one with it. The focus card was the King of Pentacles, who will be a Virgo personality type. He (or she) is caring and likes helping others a lot, but he is also a strong and immovable character. There are 2 minor characters, who play a messenger type role in my life. One is the Knave of Swords, who is a logical messenger. He(or she) is good with words and persuasive. The second is the Knave of Wands, who is fiery and attractive and charismatic. My overall goal is Temperance. I strive for synthesis and balance of both sides.

Santa Fe, NM

I've been having a pretty nice time being alone lately. I've found that I really enjoy having the mornings to myself to be quiet and think while exploring, and then spend the evenings with friends. I guess I'm more social at night.

I remember when I first moved back to NY and I didn't know anyone, I would be ok during the day, reading or working, or whatever. At night I would get hopelessly depressed and wander around the city for hours in the dark. I see now why that was such a terrible time of ups and downs for me. Even today, though I am not in that state of depression, I find myself restless at night and even lonely sometimes.

Loneliness is an emotion I've always battled with. I feel as though my need- which is far more than just a desire, but a true need- is something I should overcome. Ideally I'd like to enjoy the company of others as I do now, but not feel so restless when I am alone in the evenings. It's not as though I even need to have someone to talk to, though I do prefer that, I can be content sitting in a room where others are interacting.

Last night I went over to Tom's place and watched him play video games and barbecue. We watched a movie and then played Wii bowling. Nothing amazing happened, but I was immediately content when I walked in the door, though I had been restless all evening beforehand.

Eventually I left with Ryan and we went driving around outside of Santa Fe on the pitch black roads telling stories of supernatural encounters. I brought up La Llarona, but we decided it was best not to talk about that out there. Eventually, after what seemed like forever on this one road, the pavement ended. I immediately noticed that the paved turnoff was called La Llarona. Ryan didn't notice and started to turn on to it, but I pointed it out and told him to stay off the road. He agreed that it was a bad idea to name a street that and an even worse idea to drive on it in the pitch black night in the middle of nowhere.

I spent today wandering about alone, taking care of a few errands and making one last stop at Doodlet's. I wonder when I'll be back here again. I don't know what's going to happen after summer. It's frustrating to me that I love so many places, but have found no where I love enough to stay. I'd like to take all the people and places I love the most and put them all together so I can finally be somewhere where I am not conflicted about who I am and what kind of culture is my own. There are people all over the country I miss terribly all the time. There are sunsets, skylines, stars, hills, foods, traditions from everywhere I've ever been that I think about all the time. It's almost as though, the more I travel, the more trouble I have picturing myself in one place. I don't want to live the life of a nomad. I want to find a place to settle. I know I need to make my home somewhere, and hopefully I'll be able to make it in such a way that I won't spend my nights thinking of the people that I'm not around.

And now I'm back in Santa Fe. You'd think that because I am such a compulsive planner I would have timed my trips better to save myself the back and forth. It's got to be a good thing that I'm not, though. That's the point of all this drifting around stuff. I think.

I drove here with a guy named Zach. He goes to school in Tucson, but is native to Santa Fe and wanted to visit in order to consume as much chile as possible. I'm not kidding, his visit is based on food. I think it is a noble cause and I support it. Especially because his chile craving coincided with my need to get to Santa Fe.

Zach was by far my best craigslist ride yet. He's a very smart and progressive person, and we were close in age, so he was easy to get along with. I enjoy a good conversation and this was a seven and a half hour drive where the conversation didn't seem to grow stale or awkward. We discussed diet, politics, economics, books (though I don't think either of us has ever read the same book), movies, all that regular first meeting conversation stuff.

He actually began one of the conversations by asking me "What don't you eat?" which no one has ever asked me before. It was kind of funny, but a relief at the same time. Normally when a conversation veers toward food people want to know what I like and then they talk about what they like and sooner or later we're going to get to the awkward intersection where I have to explain that I'm a vegetarian. Starting the food conversation with "I don't eat meat or eggs and I avoid green peppers," was terribly fun for me. Zack doesn't eat processed foods like bread. He has a weakness for Red Bull though, which is mildly entertaining. I admitted my weakness for Twizzlers, even though I'm a no-junk-food sort of gal.

Now is a good time to mention that I am not a nervous passenger. I find that most people can get from point A to point B without causing a problem. I explained this to Zack as he explained that many of his passengers are uncomfortable. He isn't a tailgater, or an angry driver, Zack is a speeder. There were times when I looked over and saw the speedometer moving slightly above 100. This didn't make me uncomfortable because he wasn't being reckless or aggressive and he slowed down when he come up on a group of cars passing. I figured, if he gets pulled over, it's his ticket. He knows how fast he's going, so he knows the risk he runs.

About two hours south of Santa Fe Zack gets pulled over. He's been a very calm, chill person this whole time but he suddenly gets very panic stricken. He informs me that he may have a warrant out. Oh. Well. Umm. For unpaid traffic tickets and failure to appear. Phew. I'm so not about this guy having drugs or guns in the back seat. Yikes. He hands the cop his license and when the cop goes to check it, Zack is flipping out. I'm not a terribly paranoid person and I tend to play it cool all the time. What's the worst that could happen? The cop will take Zack in and make him pay the fines. Whatever. But Zack is sure he's going to get arrested, which has me wondering how much of his traffic violation story is true. It also has me nervous about how I'm going to get myself to Santa Fe if something happens. I'm having a right good time driving with Zack and I'm not in a hurry to change situations.

The cop comes back to the car and tells Zack that his license is suspended. I mentally sigh. I've been through this before. I hand the cop my license so he can make sure I'm not offering to drive with my own suspended license. How sad to say that this is not the first time I've been in a car with someone pulled over with a suspended license. When he comes back he tells me that my license has been canceled by the Arizona DMV. Um, right, haha. No, he says, it's canceled. ?!?!?!?! How is that even possible?!?! When? Why? He doesn't know. All I can think of is someone messed up somewhere and allowed my NYID to cancel out my AZDL when it should not have. To be dealt with tomorrow. How are we getting out of here?

The cop, who pointed out that he was "not a hard ass" (kthx) and told us we should go. He warned us not to get pulled over. Right. Ok. Awesome. But he takes Zack's license with him. Poor Zack, all he wanted to do was go eat chile, now he's got two more tickets added on to his list, no drivers license and he has to drive to Santa Fe in a state of paranoia, knowing that if he gets pulled over, he's screwed. He goes about 5 over the rest of the way. It became apparent to me that Zack has trouble driving without speeding, especially if there is decent music playing. I have that problem too, which is why I love cruise control. But I'm not a worried person and we got in just fine.

Zack took me to this place called PC's for dinner. He insisted that I was not going to the best places for chile and that I needed to try this place. The red chile there was bright red, like the color of ketchup. I've never seen chile that red before, and it was crazy-yummy. Just the right kind of spicy. Clearly the kind of place I would recommend in the future, it was full of New Mexican diner atmosphere. It had a large stone fountain in the dining room, which was not running, a wall of displayed dishes, a wall of old movie posters, and a half empty gift shop full of the same crap you buy at every tourist shop downtown. Ah Santa Fe, how I love thee.

After that it was time for me to head to Denise and Ray's place, where Monty gave me a wonderful welcome. I told Zack I would email him the link to this blog so that he could sue me for violating his privacy. He did actually tell me his last name at one point, but I forgot it. So here's his email address: Just kidding.

Tomorrow starts another adventure. My mother is feeling much better and is walking around just fine now, so I'm no longer nervous to leave her. My father and brother have been spending all their time at the store and I was worried that they would leave her alone while I was gone and she wasn't even able to get to the kitchen for water. Today she's walking around like nothing happened, so I'm not worried about leaving her here alone. Of course my mother can take care of herself, but if she gets a dizzy spell, I wouldn't want her to be alone in the house. I guess I'm just annoyed that they would put an Ace Hardware ahead her. What kind of family do I have if they would just leave her alone all day while she's feeling so sick? But, like I said, she's feeling much better, so I guess I don't have to worry.

The current travel plans are to leave for Santa Fe at noon tomorrow. Then I'll spend Wednesday in New Mexico, catch up with a few people and a dog. Then on Thursday Nick and I head out to the East Coast. We'll be stopping in Boulder, Iowa, Cleveland, and Boston before he drops me off in NY. I've never been to Boulder, Cleveland, or Boston, so I'm excited to see these new cities. We won't be spending a ton of time in these places, but just a little peek might spark my interest to check them out more thoroughly in the future.

Packing for Vermont has become a nightmare. I don't know where I'm going after the summer, so I don't know how much to take in terms of warm clothing. I'm not sure what to do about my bike except leave my parents some money and ask them to bring it to a bike shop that will ship it. I can't do it now because no one is at the theatre to receive it yet. I also can't find my screwdriver. I don't know why I always have to feel so rushed when I pack. I have plenty of time. I think owning things makes me nervous and having to pick and chose what goes and what stays is annoying to me. I would be better off owning nothing, then I wouldn't ever have to pack.

I think I might give my brain a short break and go out and buy some fabric to make a case for my laptop. I always enjoy sewing projects. I guess I'll update again from Santa Fe. After I've consumed more red chile of course.

Sadly, I am at the airport. I couldn't find a decent ride out of Austin. I would have taken the bus, but my mother got sick yesterday and no one has time to take care of her, so I want to get home as soon as possible to help her. Apparently she has vertigo, so she'll be fine, but she's stuck in bed feeling horrible for a while.

This also means that no one will be able to pick me up, so I'm going to take my chances with the horrible public transportation in Tucson. The closest bus stop to my place is about half an hour's walk, so that should be fun. So glad I packed light, because it'll probably be hot. It's not a big deal though, I could use the walk after all the eating out I've done this week.

This trip to Austin has been wonderful. The city has so many fun little local places that you'd never find anywhere else. We only ate at local restaurants and went to some interesting bars. Even the movie theater where we saw Indiana Jones was a local place and there's an amazing local ice cream shop.

Exploring these places with Joe was probably he best part. Our friendship feels so natural and easy, I'm sometimes surprised by it. He has infinite patience with the people around him, (which people around me tend to need). It's kind of like having a brother I actually get along with. He's such an important person to me, it's about time I came down here to visit his life a bit.

Today was yet another fun and interesting day. Joe had off from work and Grace took a half day so that we could run about and do some fun stuff. Joe had been talking about taking me to this place called "Camp," which is owned by his uncle. It's a piece of property outside of Austin with a little cabin and a creek running through the back. This creek feeds into a bigger river and there is a canoe there. Joe couldn't find his keys though, so we couldn't go in the cabin or unlock the canoe. Silly Joe.

The creek and river were super icky from the storms last week, which caused debris to clog up the water flow, so we did not go swimming. We walked around a bit, peeked into the empty houses of the neighbors (almost no one lives in any of these houses, they just keep them on the property), swung on some swings, and chatted. A good part of the day indeed.

After that we went over to Barton Springs Pool. This is actually a river that has been made into a pool. There are steps to get in, and cement sides, but the bottom is all natural and it is not closed off from the regular flow of water. Because of this, it is a public pool that needs no chemicals added to it, in order to keep it clean. This place was a right good time. Joe had been promising me swimming all week, and this place was exactly the kind of place I wanted to swim. Natural, but still big enough to allow for proper swimming. Grace also requested that I mention that this was probably the biggest pool I had ever swam in. I admit it is quite large.

Joe had also been telling me about the Congress Avenue Bridge, which is home to the world's largest urban bat colony. At night you can sit under the bridge, or stand on it and watch the bats fly out. I could not believe the endless stream of bats flying out of this bridge! We were there for a long time and there was no end to them. We left before the numbers had tapered off. It was so amazing to see thousands of these little creatures flying off. I can also say that while we were there I was not being eaten by mosquitoes, like I have been for the majority of this trip.

We headed back to Joe's place so that he and I could pack up. Joe is leaving in the morning for Mexico to go on a caving trip he's been planning for a long time. He's going to the worlds largest known cave shaft in the world, Golondrinas Cave. He is going to drop down on rope into this huge opening, which could fit the entire Empire State Building. I informed him that if he chickened out, we could no longer be friends. I also informed him that if he died, I would be very upset. He'll be ok.

State Capitol Building- Austin, TX

Written Wednesday afternoon:

I'm currently in the state capitol building in Austin, TX, which prides itself on being 14 feet taller than the white house in Washington D.C. This basically sums up the atmosphere here. The entire building brims with Texas pride. Everywhere you look there are stars, the shape of Texas and the word Texas itself.

I really wish I had my camera because the details in this building are amazing. I've gotten some links in order to try and supplement the writing better. The hinges on all the doors say "Texas Capitol," when opened. The tile work on the floors is all about Texas history and heroism. The front entrance has the names of all the major battles fought for Texas independence laid into the floor. The doorknobs even have stars in them, as well as all the lighting. The rotunda is topped with a star 8 feet across (though it's so high up it looks much smaller)with the letters of TEXAS in each gap between the points.

The building itself is endlessly huge and I am grateful to be able to walk wherever I want. I took a short tour of the building to get a better idea of what goes on. It is clear that Texans have pride in their history and they have worked hard to preserve it. Most of this building has been remodeled to look the way it did in it's original state. The desks in the Senate and Representative meeting rooms are all original, as well as doorknobs, chandeliers and probably the hinges as well. One could spend hours in this amazing building wandering about lost.

My favorite part of the entire building is the underground areas that were added much later. When you are on those floors it doesn't feel like you are underground, because the windows were planned in such a way to let in massive amounts of natural light. There is an outdoor courtyard that has been dug out which flood the halls with light, as well as the skylights, which look up out of the ground. They look odd from the outside, because they are windows literally laid at ground level and surrounded with short hedges.

I'd like to spend more time in this building, but I've got to go meet Joe and Grace for dinner and a meeting of sorts with the caving group they are part of. We're to learn about cave fishing. I can honestly say I'm not interested in how to catch fish in a cave, but I am interested in Brazilian dinner and drinking with a bunch of crazy cavers. One of them owns chickens, which he is very fond of, and one of them is German, which I am very fond of, and one of them holds "Safety Meetings," which everyone is very fond of.

Grace's place - Austin, TX

Tuesday, after showing me his work place, Joe and I went around downtown a bit. We stopped at the river, but it was way hot and sunny yesterday and I had left my sunscreen at his place. Then we visited a friend of his who works in a headshop. Not a ton of excitement, but the best part was yet to come. Joe had plans to take me caving that evening.

I've gone caving with Joe a few times in Arizona. We've gone in some pretty cool caves and gotten plenty mucked up and bruised. I'm not claustrophobic and I'm relatively small, so the idea has always appealed to me. I am endlessly thankful that Joe is such a patient person, because I'm willing to try new things, but I ask constant questions and I take my time. I guess it's not all bad that I have the most interesting friends in the world.

The cave we went to is called Whirlpool. It is inside the city limits of Austin, right next to a shopping center, under the freeway. This came as a shock to me, because all of the caves Joe had taken me to previously had taken hours of desert driving to get to. Apparently the city of Austin has hundreds of caves, discovered when people try to build on them. This cave is locked to protect it. We went in with a guy named Matt as our guide, who gives tours of this cave regularly to beginners. There were 13 of us total, about half of which were not actually beginners, but I've noticed that cavers don't turn down a good cave just because it's not the most challenging one in the world. This cave isn't open for just anyone to come through, so they took advantage of the cave tour.

Whirlpool was given its name because it is in a stream bed. When it rained and the stream flooded, water drained into the cave and created a whirlpool, which is how it was discovered. It is a fairly straight forward cave with a pretty clear path of where to go. Some caves are like Swiss cheese, with endless passages to get hopelessly lost in. I have been in such a cave once with Joe, and gotten slightly lost, so this one was a relief. It was also a relief to have people who know the cave so well as our guides.

The cave was made up of many tight passages that required crawling, and often times slithering, to get through. These passages opened up into bigger chambers, which made the journey more comfortable. One of these passages was named the birth canal, because it was such a tight squeeze. It was best to go through on your back with your eyes closed, to avoid dust. You just have to feel your way forward and trust that you will come out in the end. It was about 6-8 feet of this, which is not so bad. I've gone through passages that seemed to go on forever and ever with nothing but sliding on your belly, using your toes to propel you forward, with no clear ending that allowed you to stand right up.

This cave had a lot of payoffs, in that hard work led to a comfortable place for the group to sit and chat, or amazing cave formations. In this case, the last room in the cave had an exploded geode, named Crystal City, that could be seen right up close. By shining your headlamp on it the little crystals glowed. Amazing, amazing the things that are hidden in the ground.

We entered the cave around 7:30pm and came out at 11:00pm. It was a long trip for such a small cave, but so worth it. I emerged covered in bruises and mud, but completely satisfied and energized. Starving, also.

After that it was off to shower and then meet up with Grace, Joe's girlfriend. Very nice girl, a little hard to read, but I think that's a good thing. We crashed at her place because she has an air mattress. She also has an awesome dog named Chloe who is currently laying on the air mattress with me.

Grace's place - Austin, TX

Here I am in Austin, TX. Even more strange is where I am specifically. I am on an air mattress, currently sharing a bed with a dog, in a house that belongs to Joe's girlfriend, Grace. Yesterday he suggested that we sleep here because she has more room and an air mattress. This was before I had even met her, but it sounded ok. They are both at work and she's fine with me hanging here for a while, sleeping in.

But, it's better to start from the beginning. Marty turned out to be a hell of an annoying person by morning. As soon as the sun comes up, I'm ready for quiet time, even if I haven't slept. Actually, more so if I haven't slept. Not Marty! Talktalktalktalktalk. And about things I don't really want to talk about. On top of that, a 13 hour drive turned into a 16 hour drive because he just kept pulling over and spending far too much time browsing at gas stations.

We got in at 8:30am. Joe delayed going to work, which is apparently not a big deal at all for him, but I still don't like the idea. When I finally got there we chatted a bit, then I crashed in his bed when he left for work. It is my opinion that Joe needs to wash his pillowcases. I'm glad he gave me my own pillow, because sharing a dirty pillow is not my idea of fun. Sheets looked ok though.

Little power nap I guess, because he called me 2 hours later and we went to lunch at this vegan Thai place. Oh my god I love wheat gluten, and I love it better spicy (love it better?). Then we went to this coffee house and had vegan peanut butter cups (basically cupcake-sized peanut butter cups, but vegan, and BETTER) and chocolate beer. I am not convinced that beer tasted anything like chocolate, and I stand by not liking beer.

I told him I wanted to see where he worked, so he took me on a little tour. Joe works for a company that rents out cameras and equipment to movie productions. When they rent out something that requires a technician, they also rent out Joe, or his co-worker James. The place is an old airplane hanger at the old Austin airport. Most of the area has been turned into a strip mall, the rest is used for movie production. Robert Rodriguez has his studio in there and the new Friday the 13th is being shot there as well.

I am very sorry to tell you all that I forgot my camera on this trip. This is especially annoying because there were a few pictures I would have taken for sure. Joe's company rents out this Titan truck with a cherry picker-like thing on top for a camera man. The back wheels of the truck can be steered as well as the front, to make the truck drive diagonal, and also make -really- tight turns. The cherry picker is on a counter weight system, not a hydrolic one. Joe had me go sit on the camera end and then he sent it up into the air. It's not terribly high, but he made me wear a seatbelt. Ha. I got a pretty good view of the old airport, and the control tower especially, and of downtown Austin. I did request that he not drive the thing while I was in the air, as it might make me slightly uncomfortable. Joe is not the technician who knows about the titan and would not be called out to operate it normally, so it seemed better to stay stationary.

When I came down he drove me around the airport a bit and showed me the other studios. Apparently Rodriguez left up parts of the Grindhouse set and I would have taken a picture of it for my buddy Iggy. I did call Iggy and tell him that I met Rodriguez, which of course is a lie, and I told him so quickly. I think Joe is rubbing off on me in that way. He is a pathological liar. Luckily I've known him long enough to be able to tell when he's full of shit.

This is getting kind of long here, and I'm getting tired of typing, so I'll have to add the caving part a little later.

Between Tucson and Austin

I'm currently driving through Texas. When I turned on my computer it offered to connect me to the wireless network "Jesus is Lord." We also just passed a place called Zebra Show Bar. Sadly, I forgot the camera, so no pictures of this. Ah well.

I've never typed in a moving car before, it's kind of crazy. Lots of typos. Not really enough room for my hands,

The man I am driving with is called Marty. He has a bird named Max, who is, thankfully, in a cage. When I get to Austin I'm going to remind Joe that I got in a car with a bird for him. If that's not love, I don't know what is. But Max is a chill bird, so we're getting along. He likes to "sing" along to music with high notes. Marty likes to whistle along with him. I like to eat Twizzlers.

Marty drives a minivan, which gets surprisingly good mileage, even with the AC on and the back completely packed with stuff. It drives well too. He is a man who likes bumper stickers. He has not one, but two "F the president" stickers, which I fully support. I wonder if he'll want to keep those on there even after the election. Perhaps they are reflective of his feelings towards the office in general?

Marty is s biology teacher at high schools and community colleges. He lives in Austin, but will basically travel to wherever the job is. He is currently waiting to hear back from a position h applied for at an all girls school. He is unsure f they allow makes teachers, but the ad did not specify, so he applied. He's got wild hair and unkempt facial hair and he likes to drink tea on the road because "road coffee is the worst coffee."

He's the most interesting person I have traveled with to date, because, like me, he's seen a lot of places and he's seen most of them from the road. Traveling with fellow drifters is a pleasure. I drove through all of NM and he slept. It was nice. Sadly, Marty is not in a hurry at all and keeps stopping the car for all kinds of silly things. He did a u-turn for donuts and attempted to stop at a rest stop to sleep for a little while, but I took over the driving because I wasn't at all tired. No point in stopping when you have two drivers.

I'd like to end this with what Marty just said to me as I typed this: "Pretty fast for a pecker." Ha!

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

Well the internet is down, but it seems like a necessary thing to attempt an update. By the time this gets posted it'll be Monday. Right now it's Sunday night. I'm leaving for Austin tomorrow at noon with Marty, a teacher at the community college in Flagstaff.

Joe called me about a million times today. He instructed me to bring clothes for caving. Sweeeet. I love this idea of caving with Joe. Last time we went we had a wicked good time. Actually all the times we went were a wicked good time, even though I am not in shape and had a hell of a time climbing out of one of the caves. Climbing into it was funny because I couldn't find a good foothold at one point and though I was going to fall, so Joe grabbed my foot and held it to the wall. Ha!

This whole Craigslist rideshare thing has caused a few realizations for me. The first thing to mention, which is rather sad but true, is that my rides from Craigslist have been more reliable than my own friends. In the past two months my friends have bailed out on me so many times and the worst part is, I was never once surprised by it. I am absolutely not a flaky person, if I say I'm going to do it, then I will do everything in my power to get it done. It frustrates me that the majority of my friends are not this way. I begin to question my friendships and whether or not I am really as close with these people as I think I am.

The other fun thing about these rides is that I am given the opportunity to meet people I would never meet within the normal confines of my recent life. There are stories I would have never heard and experiences I would not have had. I never would have thought that I could enjoy the company of a married 23 year old Christian and even exchange some music. I would never have met a man who loved Hawaiian shirts so much that when one of them flew out the window of his car on the highway, he actually pulled over and chased it. I would not have had a giggle at the college student who tailgates full sized dump trucks at 5 mph.

Tomorrow will be another journey. Another story. This one will bring me to my best friend and a whole new chapter of adventure in a city I've never seen. This one is even more important to me because it's been such a nightmare to plan out and it's worth it to me. I guess I update from Austin.

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

It would seem I found a ride from craigslist yet again. Thank you internet for always solving all my problems, even though you sometimes create them. I'll be leaving Monday afternoon and arriving Tuesday morning. It will be a straight drive through with someone named Marty, in a van, moving to Austin. Marty will call me this weekend. I don't even know if Marty is a man or a woman. All I know is that I'll have a seat with a seat belt and a ride to Austin. Go me. I hope this Marty person doesn't want to split gas 50/50 because that seems a bit unfair. We shall see.

Speaking of traveling cheap, I found this today. Looks promising.

I also should mention that my travel to Santa Fe and back cost me $57 in gas. This is a number I am very happy with. We'll see how much Austin will cost. Time to scope out a ride back.

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

My ride to Austin kind of fell apart, so now I need to try and find a last minute Craigslist thing. It's worked for me before, but Austin is a lot further away than ABQ and Phoenix, so I hope I find something. More importantly I hope I find something back. If I have to fly I will, but I really, really, really don't want to. Not going isn't much of an option. I need to see Austin and it's about time I went to visit Joe. I mean, what the hell else am I doing? Plus I can not take much more of Tucson. After all the stress of today, none of which I feel like re-living by typing about, I'm ready to get out of here. I need to pack. I can't even say I didn't see this coming.

BUT! I'll figure it out, I always do.

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

I went out to a comedy club tonight to see my friend do his stand up act. What he failed to tell me is that he had to leave right when it was over to go to work. So that left me on the other side of town with nothing to do. I called my friend Marc who doesn't live far from there. We ended up going to a record store where I purchased The Streets- a grand don't come for free.

While at Zia, Jordan called and said he would meet us back at Marc's place. Jordan is a friend of mine from high school who I have not seen for a long time. The whole time I've been back in Tucson he's been "too busy" to hang out. So he finally comes over in his big-ass diesel truck. This is a secondary vehicle. Second to what? Another big-ass pickup truck. Keep that in mind, then throw in a little Jewish and a whole lot of computer nerd and that is the nature of Jordan.

We're all hanging out a bit, taking about whatever and looking at America: The Book, when we hear another loud car pull up. Marc says, "That sounds like Carlos." Jordan says nothing. I immediately demand to know if Jordan did, in fact, call Carlos. He giggles. What the fuck?

Carlos is a dirty, trouble making, slacker, pain in the ass. He is a petty thief and he'll have sex with anything that moves. And then he'll tell everyone about it, proud of what a stereo type he is. The last time I hung out with Carlos, he claimed to have me wrapped around his little finger. Right. Haven't talked to him much since then. I can say that as long as Carlos is around, you can be sure something crazy is going to happen.

As soon as Carlos got there Jordan started asking us to go to The Meet Rack. We headed over there in Jordan's truck (of all 4 cars in the driveway this one got the worse mileage and needed the most expensive gas, but what else could you drive to the Meet Rack?). The Meet Rack does not look like anything from the front, just a run down shack with shitty fences and a lot of old paint. The main door is on the side, where I was carded and given a stamp of the owner's name: GOD. Yep, he legally changed it. God is a weird bald guy. Looking at him one gets the impression that he must have every STD known to man, plus bad breath. He also curls up part of his beard like Dali's mustache. I like Dali, so I let the bad breath thing go.

As I walked in I heard Carlos mention how packed it was. It wasn't super full, but there were a ton of college boys and their under-dressed female companions. The place was very dark, making it hard to see all the newspaper clippings of God's run for mayor. Twice. The place is covered in pictures, road signs, string lights and dead animals. A dive bar like this would never happen in New York City. There are some nasty dive bars in NYC, but nothing like this place. The Meet Rack takes true redneck style.

When we sat down at the bar, Jordan and Marc ordered a pitcher of margarita, mentioning to the bar tender that they have "The Brand." This allowed them a small discount on all drinks. "The Brand" is a circular thing of sorts (I'm told it's God's face), on their calves. They had showed it to me earlier but refused to explain it. Yes, it's literally a brand. Burning, hot metal. And they paid $5 to get it. Jordan told me that when Marc allowed God to brand him, he yelled out "Pork chop sandwiches" instead of anything normal. And these are my friends. I love them. No, I don't need a brand, but thanks guys.

Jordan suddenly yelled "The Tour!" and told me I had to come on with him. God was giving a tour of the bar, which also happens to be is home. His bedroom is literally right off the bar. So is his Sex Room, which is filled with all kinds of weird kinky toys, including a wheel on the wall designed to strap a person to, a sex swing, a doctor's chair with stirrups, stocks, blow up dolls in cages, and "cum strainers," still not clear on what those were. The only rule in the sex room: No kissing a woman above the waist unless she's standing on her head.

The Meet Rack is full of all kinds of seedy crap. Next to the entrance is a wall of little round things: AA chips. Bring one in and you get a free drink. If a woman buys a condom from the vending machine in the bathroom, alarms, spotlights, whistles, whatever, start going off in celebration. There are bras hanging from all over the ceiling. I asked Jordan what these were for, but he didn't know and wasn't willing to find out for me. This was the extent of my exploration because the place was packed and I wasn't really willing to wander off alone, lest I stumble upon another hidden sex room and end up with my bra on the ceiling. Hey! That was an expensive bra!

I believe my words upon entering the bar were, "Jordan, if you guys leave me alone here, I'll kill you."

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

I'm back in Tucson. I've been in four cities over the past two days. I'm so tired!!!

My wonderful "husband" Tom drove me to Abq yesterday morning, where I met up with this guy AJ, who drove me to Phoenix in a Prius. Oh man, gas mileage is so great in that thing. The engine switches off when you go downhill and you get about 100 mpg. Wow. Crashed with a buddy in Phoenix, then caught a ride back to Tucson this morning with a guy named Chris.

AJ is a 23 year old married Christian. The odds of us having anything in common and actually getting along in a genuine, more-than-civil manner were quite slim. However, AJ was a pretty cool guy. Not crazy into God and not a right-wing republican with mediocre music tastes. However, we did talk about food shortages, not eating red meat (he brought it up, not me, I swear), and how awesome Ben Folds Five is. Then I stole some of his music from a CD of MP3s he had.

As we got toward Phoenix both of our phones died and he decided to stop off at his in-laws' house, which was a huge scary brick mansion. I felt a little out of place going in there to charge up my phone while he called his wife to meet him at the rental car return (the Prius was rented). We went into the kitchen and there was a roasted chicken on the counter, half dissected. There was chicken juice all over the counter and I was a little freaked out, especially because there were two small children running about. Something about having a chicken with all it's guts spilled over a kitchen counter in the same room as small children rubs me the wrong way. Anyway I ended up driving the car back to the airport and he took his mother-in-law's jeep. He then dropped me off at the airport where I et up with a buddy for dinner and a place to crash.

That night my buddy needed to go pick something up from a friend. He called a bunch of people to find this person. This was all while driving around downtown Phoenix, which is really a weird and redundant city. Nothing very pretty about the architecture or the landscape. Phoenix is a flat, flat city. Still, it was enjoyable, because I love the way my friend drives. It's weird that his speeding around at night is so relaxing. It's like he finds empty streets just so he can zoom around, though he has no real destination. Anyway we finally got a location and went there. And waited. He was supposed to be coming, until then we would hang out with a bunch of pot heads who talked about some amazingly stupid shit. And played video games stoned. I don't understand the point of that. Why can't we just lay outside and enjoy the amazing night?

We finally had to go to some sketchy area of town to find this guy. The streets made no sense whatsoever and the numbered ones changed a bunch. It's like the people naming the streets just got lazy, or else thought the rest of the city was too consistent. Anyway we finally found him and my buddy got whatever it was that he needed to get in the sketchiest of ways and we moved on. Got back to his place intending to do a music exchange, but we were both so tired we just passed out. Fun night though. This friend of mine is an incredibly, intellectually stimulating person. I don't know why his friends were such idiots.

This morning my friend had to go to work early, so he dropped me off at the university to wait for my ride to Tucson. He was supposed to get me at 9, and I was there at 8:50. At 9 he calls to tell me he went a different way and is somewhere else. I got a little worried he was going to say he wasn't coming. It was rainy in Phoenix this morning and I had no where to go anyway. The coffee shop down the street wasn't taking credit cards and I had no cash. Turns out he was coming to get me, but he would be a bit late. No worries. He picked me up and he had a friend in the car, who I was relieved to learn is gay. Two college-age guys driving to Tucson to pick up some crap from a dorm room, or something. I don't like university guys. Shitty music, bad driving and all about impressing people with stories of sex. As though it matters in the end. But I didn't have to say much because they were entertaining each other. I was being entertained by the scenery.

And here is Samuel, the newest member of the herd:

Target forgot to charge me for him, but I didn't bother to say anything. That's how I roll.

Santa Fe, NM

I think about the life I left behind in NY and I compare it to the life I am living now and wonder which one was the bigger lie. Or maybe neither were a lie and this is just the way I am now, and that was just the way I was then. But my methods of coping with things are not working, I think. I think about my old life when I make the choices that I do and I find myself lonely and sad. I guess I am still mourning my old life, but trying to get on with the new. I wonder if the decisions I make are good ones. I wonder if I really am lying to myself, or if I'm trying to replace something.

I said something stupid to someone. I said that I wished things had been different. I said that I wished there was opportunity. But I don't think it was true. It wouldn't have made a difference. The things I said, the reasons I said them, it was only because I could. It was only because I knew that nothing bad would come of my saying it. But I should not have said those things. I got wrapped up in my head, it wasn't realistic. If I'm going to live this life, I need to remember who I am and stick to it. I need to honor it completely and ignore the "could-have-beens," they don't matter. They don't exist. I won't make the same mistake twice. Moving on is what I need.

Denise and Ray's - Santa Fe, NM

Mostly, I just want to say, I'm happier with the person I am now than I have been in a long time. It seems that I lose track of myself from time to time and I'm trying to find it again. I could blame all kinds of things, but in the end I am the only one at fault.

Maybe I could have stayed in NY and gotten my feet back on the ground, but I would not have been able to improve my life. I needed to get away from everything in order to start fresh. I am still transitioning even now, because I've been visiting an old life. That being said, I'm visiting it with a new perspective.

During my last few weeks in NY, I would come home to an orderly apartment. It felt as though no one lived in it. It felt like a lie. Things around me were coming unraveled and I was surrounded by over-organization. Clean me. Tidy me. Plans, paper clips, thumb tacks, labels, zip-tied and tucked-away mess. So I started leaving clothes on the floor. I stopped making plans, except the one that I would need to get out. I told myself that I would make new friends where I went. I would stop turning down opportunity in favor of what I thought was self-preservation. I need to re-earn the pride I hold so dearly.

So here I am, hitched a ride to Santa Fe with a stranger from the internet. Looking to hitch a ride back out. It's a big deal to a control-freak, too afraid to adventure alone. I want stories to tell. I want to feel as though I've actually lived an interesting life, instead of just surrounding myself with the interesting lives of others. I want to become this person I've always known myself to be, but never trusted enough to listen to. Most importantly, I want to bring back the fun.

Denise and Ray's - Santa Fe, NM

Actually having the choice of not driving is the best thing ever. I've missed the subway system, but the Santa Fe bus is actually pretty good. True it's never on time, but it does get you where you need to go and the stops are not hard to get to. Plus they're cheap. Tucson buses make me sad (read: I hate them).

I took the bus all over today for $1. That went like this:
Me: This is the #2 bus?
Driver: #2!
Me: I'd like a day pass please
Driver: OK, $1
Me: I thought it was $2?
Driver: Not if you're a student. Aren't you a student?
Me: I guess I must be.

That ticket was for people under the age of 18. See, looking 16 gets me somewhere after all!

I stopped at the college first to see the people at my old job. Quite nice. One of them adopted a baby. I was more than thrilled for her. I'm a big fan of adoption and I think she'll be a wonderful mother. I could not find Clare D., so I will go back tomorrow during office hours. There is a lot of crazy in the air while the college transitions, but everyone seems optimistic. I am too, for once. I wish that this had happened a few years before I had gotten there. Maybe I would have enjoyed college more.

I walked around campus a bit looking for my friend's new office. It's weird to be on the other end of the "you don't go to school here" looks from CSF students. It's such a small school it's easy to spot someone new right away. I used to give those looks! You were still in diapers when I was making those sideways glances!

I hopped back on the bus, after watching 2 ravens fighting in front of the school. I forgot that the campus was covered in ravens. Amazing birds. I should get better at this picture thing, because I didn't think to take one.

Once downtown I went to my three favorite stores ever: Doodlet's, Poem and Design Warehouse. I purchased some things that I *needed* (see below) and then went over to Atomic for food. A very good-looking waiter served me nachos covered in red chile, while I read The Santa Fe Reporter. It is a huge relief to be in a city where the waiters know off the tops of their heads what items are vegetarian. In many cases it is indicated on the menu. Not all chile is created equal. The nachos do not normally have red chile on them, but that's bullshit. You can not have Mexican-type food in NM without chile, so I fixed that. I'll also point out that natives are less likely to think you're a tourist if you order chile on everything. On this subject, it should be mentioned that McDonald's and Subway both have green chile on the menu.

I took the bus back to the house and on it I met a woman from VT and a woman from NYC. Needless to say, the woman from NY was rather rude and the woman from VT was very kind. Crazy how that works. The driver turned out to be from Jersey and was pretty cool. He used to live in AZ, but like me, felt that Santa Fe was a superior place to live. I'd like to now point out that conversations like this don't happen on NYC transit and I like it that way. However, being in Santa Fe makes me want to talk to people. Did NY make me an introvert, or did leaving make me an extrovert?

Ponder. Ponder.


Today's pictures:


A mailbox downtown. I have no idea. The web address on there is http://www.uspsjedimaster.com but it offers no answers.


It was rainy and windy and chilly today, but Santa Fe always manages to have views like this. I love the walk back from the bus.



A Magnet. The women in the store were nice enough to open a whole set, just so I could buy this one magnet. Thank you wonderful Poem women and your understanding of my love for Zebras.


A postcard


A zebra buying problem. But how could I resist?!?!? What is that zebra doing in a crosswalk?!?
This postcard is one of many that I own made by a German company called Inkognito.

I also bought my mother an Inkognito postcard of a mouse hugging an elephants leg, but I sealed it in an envelope before I thought to take a picture. She'll like it.

Denise and Ray's - Santa Fe, NM

I went to see "Happy End" at the college yesterday. It was ok... You could tell it was Brecht, but it was so watered down. The ending was completely random and lame as well. However, everyone in it was great. This is what they told me would happen, but I wanted to go anyway and decide for myself. I'm glad I did. That was the first Brecht show I've ever seen live, and it made me certain that I needed to see another. One I might have more response to.

After the show I went backstage (oh man, I don't know anyone at the school anymore) and wandered into the guys dressing room to see Matt Joe, Kevin, and Craig. Kevin and Matt Joe kind of flipped their shit and I got two big hugs. I've gotten a lot of unexpected big hugs recently. It was very surprising because we don't really talk ever, so I just thought it'd be a quick hello. I'm very fond of those guys so it felt pretty great. I guess that's why I enjoy just turning up without warning. I really really needed that after all the shit that went down in NY. Sadly, everyone had strike, so I didn't stick around and once again did not go out to dinner. Tonight I hope.

What I ended up doing was going over to Tom's place and drinking gin and watching Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and then jumping on a trampoline. I spent some time pressuring one of Tom's roommates to try a back flip, but he never gave it his all. They tried to turn it around on me and get me to try a flip, but I informed them that I am immune to peer pressure. I'm comfortable being too drunk to flip on a trampoline. Nevertheless, Tom's roommates are some pretty cool kids. We had a good time. Holy shit was that a good movie. I'll have to watch it again without all the skipping.

Today I'm heading over to the registrar to say hi to Angell and Marie and get a transcript. I don't normally like showing up places I used to work, but I loved that job so much, it is the exception. Then I might go see if I can find Clare D, she'll be surprised to see me I'm sure. I booked it out of this town so fast I hardly said goodbye to anyone. Then again, almost nothing surprising ever surprises her. Afterward, I'm taking myself out to lunch and spending the rest of the day downtown looking in some of my favorite stores EVER. Maybe I'll even buy something zebra print. Wouldn't that be unpredictable!?!? But today has to have red chile in it, or I'm going to pass out dead. On the plaza.

People will think it's art.

Denise and Ray's - Santa Fe, NM

There was some kind of block party thing on the quad last night and it included this "Laser Maze," which had no actual lasers. But some of us were a little fucked up and we decided we could have fun without them lasers and crawled inside. I took pictures with my annoying slow camera which happens to have a crazy-bright flash.


Ham, hiding from the flash


I don't know


Cory Collins!!!!


Did I mention there was also free beer on the quad? How crazy is that!?!?


Too tall, you lose!


Ham attack!!!!!


I can't take group pictures. Clearly.


So, while I was running about last night bumping into some people and avoiding others, I noticed some changes around campus. The students there look very much how the students looked my freshmen year. The art school is back to having a bunch of weirdo, outcast, art kids. There was a sense of community, but an alternative one. They also got rid of the bookstore (overpriced and full of shit) and made it into "The Den," a 24 hour rec-room, with pool and video games and couches and darts and internet and TV. Which is pretty cool I think. There is also a graffiti wall on the quad, which is also a cool idea.

Denise and Ray's - Santa Fe, NM

Today was my first official day of adventure seeking and I'd say it went well. Bruce, the man who drove me to Albuquerque, was a very nice and normal guy. Nothing crazy happened and we got along just fine.

As we got near Albuquerque I called my friend Tom, who I thought might be working in town, but lives in Santa Fe, so he'd be commuting. Turns out he was up there, but would be working overnight until 7am on a movie shoot. He offered to let me stay in his car and then drive me back in the morning, but I declined and decided to take my chances finding a ride from the airport. Tom told me that his friend, who I knew from college, was going to be flying in today and gave me her number, in the off chance that she might be there at the same time as me.

Turns out her flight got in a few minutes after I got there. I called her up and she was thoroughly confused, especially because we were never really friends, so much as acquaintances, and so had not seen each other since college. She told me she was getting a ride from her friends, who she was staying with and that they had room for me. They were more than happy to let me into their car and even took us out to dinner.

When we left the restaurant John, the driver, noticed the tire was a bit low and so on the way to Santa Fe we stopped at the gas station to fill it up. He has a limp and sometimes needs a cane to get around, so his wife got out and said she would put air in the tire. She went out and grabbed the hose and John starts saying "That's water. That's the wrong one, it's water." But the windows were rolled up and she didn't hear him. He decided not to roll the windows down and tell her and instead said "She'll figure it out." Then she leans down to put the nozzle on the tire and suddenly pops back up and looks into the car and yells "That's water!" At which point the three of us in the car have a good laugh and I exclaim "That's going in the travel book!" Which I admit is stolen from my friend Andrew, but he wasn't around, so I took it. But if I ever do write a travel book, this night is going in there.

Random and memorable.

Well they just dropped me off here at Denise and Ray's house. The two of them are out of town until Tuesday and were oh-so-kind to allow me to stay here. It's so quiet and peaceful. Sadly, I can not find a wireless connection that is unprotected, so I am forced to connect to an Ethernet cable. Poor little laptop.

Well I'm off to settle in and get some rest. Good good day. Feeling optimistic.

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

I went and met this dude. He's a regular guy, I'm very happy I'm going to be traveling with him, he seems cool and fairly interesting, but nothing totally weird. *phew*

Parents' Place - Tucson, AZ

So my ride to NM this week just crapped out on me. I found another possibility that is leaving from Tucson tomorrow morning. I hope I can go meet him today and that h is not super-sketchy or anything. He's going to call me back in a little bit. In some ways it's probably better because he's leaving sooner and from Tucson and he's not in an over loaded pickup with 10mpg. Plus he wants to do all the driving, which is fine by me. I just need to make sure he's not a creepo, and he's just trying to save on gas. The other issue is, no one knows I'll be leabing so soon and so I don't have a ride from ABQ to Santa Fe. But if all else fails I'll have him drop me off at the airport and I'll take the shuttle or offer gas money to someone headed to Santa Fe, something I've always wanted to do.


So today's to do list is now:
Get money from Bank
Buy pajama pants
Get camera charger and take pictures at Ace
Calm parents down
Meet this dude


Update: I just got off the phone with him and I am going to meet him in about 30 minutes. Sounds like an OK guy. He works for the newspaper. Now I'll go see if he has any weird voo-doo dolls hanging around his neck or something.