Well, I'm here in Moline. Don't ask me anything about this place, because I don't know. The hotel is pretty nice. Internet, third floor and a room you enter from inside the building. What more could a girl ask for?
Nick's been a great travel partner. We talk a bunch. We listen to a lot of the same music. He enjoys doing all the driving. This is all fine and dandy by me. Awkwardness avoided. He has a high tolerance for my disjointed social skills. That always helps.
I'm starting to think a little more on this whole wandering thing that I'm doing. I'm content now and marginally satisfied with the friendships I currently have with people, but I know it won't last forever. I know that eventually I'm going to need more. As I get closer and closer to summer, I get closer and closer to summer's end. I need to figure out where I'll go. I hope it will lead to somewhere I want to stay.
I can't have meaningful relationships while I'm running all about. I can't keep starting up these friendships and then running off again. I'll want something more than friends in the future. But I also know that I need to be around people who have the same ideals as I do. Where I go after summer may help me find those people. I hope it helps me find those people.
This seems random. Nick and I had some conversations today during our 12 hour trip, which got me thinking about my direction in life. It's crazy having someone to talk to so casually for such a long time abut these kinds of serious subjects. It gets me drifting off into my head for long periods of time. It doesn't help that I have trouble explaining my intentions, mostly because I'm still trying to figure them out. Transitions. Ugh.
Showing posts with label Nick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nick. Show all posts
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Boulder, CO
I'm having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am so quiet around new people. Nick and I drove to Boulder today and met up with his two friends who we are staying with. I immediately shut down, as usual. It's terribly irritating and I told myself that I needed to open my mouth and just say something. But I didn't. I remained noticeably silent.
It's actually rather worrisome because I don't want people to mistake me for dim witted, snobbish, or think that I don't like them. It's never the case. The real problem is that I am a group observer. It must be some kind of insecurity that I become so shy around new people. It is especially bad when they actually try to include me and I still remain somewhat silent. How can I explain to people that I really am content to just observe? I don't feel left out, I'm just taking everything in I'm trying to understand who you are so I can figure out who I am, when around you.
That night Nick offered to do a Tarot reading for me because I had mentioned an email I got from Lisa asking me what my epiphanies have been. I thought it was rather interesting and worth writing down and sharing. The question I asked was "What's going to happen to me after Dorset?" Nick told me that my past has been associated with The High Priestess, who is a secret keeper. My past has a lot to do with secrets and hiding reality. The present is confusion, represented by the 8 of Swords. The future was the 6 of Pentacles, who has faith in the universe and is one with it. The focus card was the King of Pentacles, who will be a Virgo personality type. He (or she) is caring and likes helping others a lot, but he is also a strong and immovable character. There are 2 minor characters, who play a messenger type role in my life. One is the Knave of Swords, who is a logical messenger. He(or she) is good with words and persuasive. The second is the Knave of Wands, who is fiery and attractive and charismatic. My overall goal is Temperance. I strive for synthesis and balance of both sides.
It's actually rather worrisome because I don't want people to mistake me for dim witted, snobbish, or think that I don't like them. It's never the case. The real problem is that I am a group observer. It must be some kind of insecurity that I become so shy around new people. It is especially bad when they actually try to include me and I still remain somewhat silent. How can I explain to people that I really am content to just observe? I don't feel left out, I'm just taking everything in I'm trying to understand who you are so I can figure out who I am, when around you.
That night Nick offered to do a Tarot reading for me because I had mentioned an email I got from Lisa asking me what my epiphanies have been. I thought it was rather interesting and worth writing down and sharing. The question I asked was "What's going to happen to me after Dorset?" Nick told me that my past has been associated with The High Priestess, who is a secret keeper. My past has a lot to do with secrets and hiding reality. The present is confusion, represented by the 8 of Swords. The future was the 6 of Pentacles, who has faith in the universe and is one with it. The focus card was the King of Pentacles, who will be a Virgo personality type. He (or she) is caring and likes helping others a lot, but he is also a strong and immovable character. There are 2 minor characters, who play a messenger type role in my life. One is the Knave of Swords, who is a logical messenger. He(or she) is good with words and persuasive. The second is the Knave of Wands, who is fiery and attractive and charismatic. My overall goal is Temperance. I strive for synthesis and balance of both sides.
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